dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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