i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
i need some magic done to my vagina
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
