the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
