At least make sure they are 18
Why
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
