she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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