I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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