If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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