You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
