go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
