party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Randomize
