Pants 0. Shit 1.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
