Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
