Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Randomize
