Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize
