I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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