currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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