i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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