hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
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