Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
