sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
