oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
