So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
