Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
