Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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