at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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