girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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