Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
