I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
