If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
