so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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