is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
