He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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