We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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