I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
