AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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