He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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