You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
