If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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