Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
