Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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