I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
