I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
