I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize