some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
