He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
