when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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