Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
