That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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