tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
