I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize