no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
