I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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