so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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