Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
