yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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