So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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