Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
