how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
50% drunk capacity currently
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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