it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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